Last night Courtney and I were invited to a Perea House meeting. We were running super late but God completely worked out the timing for us to get there slightly after people had started sharing about how their relationship with God had been going.
My first thought.. "Snap. I have to be vulnerable to people I have just met." And as you may know, this summer has been stretching me to be more and more vulnerable.. to everyone! I gave it a whirl and I am so thankful that I did.
Everyone shared and of course I was the last. Things like this always catch me off guard. I never know what to say or where to start. I can never get my thoughts out exactly how I'd like to. As I shared, I rejoiced in how God had captivated my heart in a completely new way and in a much much deeper way at Yellowstone. I mentioned the slightly clearer future He's given me insight on. I talked about how up and down this summer has been in regards to my walk with Him. I shared the blessings He gave me last Wednesday when a few girls told me some deep hurts and recent hard times. It's difficult to talk about all that He's done because so much of it seems so muddy to me right now. I don't know where He's taking me and I don't know why, but it confuses my past.
After that we dove into Scripture talking about renewing our minds and what that looks like. The focus was on the thought life and God completely called me out. Lately I've been letting my mind go wherever it wanted to. I know exactly where it's going and I what the end point will be, but I've chosen to not do anything about them. I've chosen to remain in darkness instead of walking into the light. Without realizing it, I wasn't letting God be enough for me; then worry and fear began to set in.
We took some time to go off by ourselves and meet with God. Afterwards, we met back in the dining room to share what God had spoken to everyone. (Oh joy, vulnerability again..) But the discussion was completely exciting! It was awesome to hear how the same verses applied to everyone so differently. I've definitely been craving some deep "Hey, let's truly share life together and dig into the Word" time with other believers. God is SO big and SO great! My soul knew that I needed to be there and how refreshing it was.
Father left me with a word.. Radical.
Here's one of the definitions.. a person who holds or follows strong convictions or extreme principles. Another that I thought was interesting.. of or going to the root or origin; fundamental.
He's calling me to hold fast to my strong convictions and to solidly know where I come from.
My toes are curling around the edge of another cliff.
Will I choose to take one step off?
Will I choose to be radical for His glory?
The beauty of this cliff is that it is my line of no return. Emily, a new friend that I met last night, so wonderfully spoke those words over me. She will never know how very very deep they run. Freedom and joy surged through my soul and brought tears of complete abandon to my eyes.
My line of no return..
Immediately God tenderly and joyously spoke to my heart.. "You don't have to live with a false self-worth anymore.." When I take that step.. that past.. is my past. It's gone. It's done. There is no need to walk in those lies anymore since I am choosing to walk in the light.
God is doing some crazy, wild, wonderful things in my life and in the lives of my brothers and sisters He has placed around me. It's simply.. beautiful.
"The pillars of heaven tremble and are astounded at His rebuke. By His power he stilled the sea; by His understanding He shattered Rahab. By His wind the heavens were made fair; His hand pierced the fleeing serpent. Behold, those are but the outskirts of His ways, and how small a whisper do we hear of Him! But the thunder of His power who can understand?"
-Job 26:11-14
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