Surrender

It's been July for two days now. Whoa. Cray cray (crazy if you will). I can't believe it. Early this week I was able to talk with a sweet friend from TAMU's BSM, Rebecca. It was so good to hear "y'all" used a billion times! Thank you for the encouragement friend!

This week has gone by like a light year! And it has been an odd one too--full of ups and downs.

Courtney and I were able to hang out with Jaime twice. She is such a fun girl! I hope we can talk about Father in the few weeks we have left with her.

Daniel and Caleb introduced Courtney and I to their friend Aaron. He's a pretty cool guy and a blast to hang out with!

Wednesday afternoon, during the girl's discipleship Bible study, I felt the Lord set up the conversation for Courtney and I to tell the girls our testimonies, mistakes and what we've learned from them. So we did. The reaction wasn't what we thought it would be. I didn't really know what to expect to be honest. I normally only share that part of my life one on one and to girls my age. God only knows what is going through their heads and I trust that He used that time for His purposes.

For the past week/week and a half I've been reading through Joseph's life. It couldn't have come at a better time. During the Day Camps, two weeks ago, God hit me with something hard.. He brought to my attention that I had been controlling every little thing in my life. (Or trying to). I had been spending myself to make sure the details of my life were securely in my grasp--even the things that I obviously don't have control over.

The weekend before Day Camps I came down with a sinus infection and it knocked me out for Sunday and Monday--a day for preparation and the first day of camp. I had gotten sick at the worst possible time of the summer. I freaked out. I felt like I was letting everyone down and I hated that I couldn't take care of my responsibilities.

God knocked me down to let me know that I wasn't the one in control of my life. You would think that I would have this down pretty good by now.. from failing out of engineering to never really knowing where I stood with the RPTS Department all last year to even making it here. I had to trust God. I didn't have another choice. But no.. this is the summer of relearning.

Trusting, serving, loving are all things God is having me take another look at. Currently it is surrendering. Sometime around Tuesday or so, I realized that not only I don't have control over the big things in my life, but also the little things. God translated that realization into, "Now, surrender everything, the big and the little, to Me." Whoa. Everything? I'm still working through the ins and outs, but it's more than "You can pick my major. You can choose my husband. You put me wherever You want to."


Reading through Joseph's life (Genesis 37-50) completely reiterated what Father was speaking to me. Joseph was thrown into a well, sold into slavery by his brothers, accused to be a rapist, and thrown into prison for years. Doesn't look like he had much control over his life. But everywhere he went God was with him. God was controlling his life--the good and the bad--to bring glory to Himself. God has the huge plan mapped out that required Joseph to make it to Egypt somehow. God chose slavery which required Joseph to trust and cling to God.


So. I'm standing on the edge of a cliff with options.. 


1. I walk away. Stay grounded. Stay safe.


2. I stand at the edge. Stagnate and lifeless.


3. I jump. I trust. There's adventure, thrill, joy, life.


I'm reminded of the time that I was at the Smith's house for Hope group. The younger people were jumping off the roof onto a trampoline--simply stepping off onto the trampoline. For some reason I needed to run and push off the roof; go as far as I could go. Thinking was not involved on my part. I ran. I pushed. I jumped. I screamed. I nearly landed on the ground. But I made it.

Now.. if I can only apply that technique to this cliff I'm standing on...

Looking down one of the 200ft+ bridges during the Hiawatha.